Krezi Kanmani Mani: My Mama, My Man!

Where do I start? How do I start? All my life, I’ve distanced myself from guys a lot. My reason being, my parents were separated when I was young, I only see or talk to my Appa once in a blue moon. I don’t have any male siblings. Both my elder sister’s got married but unfortunately it didn’t last so I was not close to my brother-in-laws as well. I had few boyfriends, as in whom I thought I would get married to one of them but those who know me know that I’m single so that’s that. I have few good guy friends since childhood, David & Ron are my soul mates. We hardly meet these days but we make every minute count if we get a chance to lepak.

But one man who has constantly been in my life was my Amma’s brother. Amma got two (2) younger brothers, unfortunately one of them, passed away in an accident long time ago when I was still young, I could hardly remember things about him but thank God we still keep in touch with his side of the family.

The other Amma’s brother is my dear Mama, Guna Mama. We share the same birthday month and sometimes celebrate our birthday together.

Havoc when ever we join force!

My Mama have been there for us, not just me but for my sister’s and my cousin’s, Jamuna, Kala and Isu all our lives till he lost battle and passed away recently.

Mama taking a selfie before it became mainstream!

As far as I remember, we always have loads of fun whenever we visit him or when he visits us. After getting separated from Appa, we moved a lot, I can’t remember much but I know this Mama was always there for us no matter what. He once ‘kena tahan’ at Taiping somewhere, I’m not sure for what reason but the moment he came out from there. He turned a new leaf and improved his way of life.

I recall him taking us (my sister and my cousins) to a lot of fun fairs nearby and we would have time of our lives. Gelak sampai keluar air mata, makan sampai kenyang giler, penat macam nak mampus tapi enjoy to the MAX. There was this one time, my cousin lost her earing, tengok-tengok bukan hilang but she fed it to a fish at the fun fair! Kekeke! Remember that Mona?

Then we would lepak at Patti’s place, main card games, board games, kutuk, ejek each other. My Athe’, (his wife) would just shake her head and kadang-kadang join sekali. She had a miscarriage but thank God it only happened once and these lovely couple was blessed with three (3) kids. Even after that we were still on top of his list to bawak jalan-jalan. Kari kepala ikan at Kelana Jaya, Chinese shop, macam-macam lah.

With his elder dotter, Punita

With his kuttyboy, Naren!

Dad and his boys, Vimal and Naren at Amma's place.

He bought a big van so we can all bunk in together when we balik kampong to Perak. Us chickadees would get sumbat at the back of the van while the oldies duduk depan and keep reminding us to keep quite but then Mama would scold them. “Videeee’….let them enjoy lah…still kids what! Enna problem if they noisy?” Hehehe….yeay Mama u rock!

U indeed was a rock. I don’t know, won’t know what kind of trouble you had to face thru but you always manage to make to me smile and laugh. We would have our own dirty jokes that make others blush. Since I didn’t have a boyfriend you would ask me to get married to you. When both Akka’s and Cousin sister’s got married, you would tease them saying you will always be their ‘first husband’ no matter what and I was your wife no matter if I get married or not.

Sigh............

Upon growing up and busy with my own life. I hardly spend time with you. In fact all of ‘us’ hardly spend time like before, but when we do we have time of our lives. Gelak-gelak, kechup on everybody, kutuk everybody, pastu gelak again, annoy others. Too bad most of the re-union happens to be during somebody’s funeral tapi takpe lah, janji got reunite kan?

Paling best when jumpa time wedding, terus kena tease to duduk kat pelamin so can ikat ‘thali’ and have first night! Muahaha… I remember getting stink eyes from orang-orang bongok yang too serious. Berlagak baik sangat tapi hati busuk! Buwek!

Only he dare to do this to me! I love you Mama!

After Patti passed away, I hardly came over to the house because losing her really hit me hard. I couldn’t bear being in the house without Patti calling me….Suuuuuuuuuuute and then give me a warm big hugggggggggg!!!! Owh Patti! I miss you so much! You will always be my best friend forever. I’m sorry I didn’t write about you because truth is I’m still shocked that you are gone. Now that Mama is with you and Tata, please take care of each other. I know you had your differences but then who does not?

My Best Friend! My Patti! she rocks!!!

Anyhow, time took its toll and Mama’s health starts to fade away. I watched him getting thinner and growing old faster. I asked Amma, “why ma Mama asyik sakit je?”, her reply, “Smoking lar. Dah sakit but still smoke, take sugar, how to get better?” “Hmm…why lah Mama?”, his reply, “Aiya habit redy la, susah to kick”. Sigh…simple answer but if you are a smoker or don’t control your food please try to change your habit. I know I have my own bad habits and I’m trying to change as well.

The ciggies and sugar start to mess with his fitness, he were getting too weak too fast till one day, he got admitted and we were told to inform our relatives. I couldn’t believe what was happening, us sisters and cousins prayed for a miracle and guess God had pity on us and his recovery stumped the Doctors. After spending few inches away from Grim Reaper he were back with us.

Unfortunately damaged had been done. Too much nicotine, too much sugar, too much of bad things in his body. He were just holding on. His strength managed to get him through Kala’s morning ‘malai’ ceremony but he were too weak to attend her wedding or dinner. He was back in the hospital and I knew it was his sheer determination that got him through this long.

After much conflict, I finally drew the courage to visit him in the hospital and who I was saw broke my heart. This is not my Mama. This is not the same man who used to carry me. He looked so frail yet still full of jokes. He had H2O tank next to him. Tubes in his nose, he burnt part of his upper lips and below nose trying to lite the Devil stick! He kept wiping his bloody nose. Had to take pause in between lines to complete even a short sentence. He asked for Ice Lemon Tea. I scolded him but he with his usual self, taruk me to get him the drink so I went to buy him the drink and that’s when I cried by myself. How Mama? Why Mama? How come like this? How did this happen? Why is this happening? Sigh…

Came back with his drink and we chatted, he was scolding the nurse and other patients who shared room with him. So annoying giler! I just laughed and he told me he had one wish, to see me get married. I’m sorry Mama but I couldn’t fulfill that wish. If I do somehow get married I know you will be happiest person blessing me even though you are not there. Your blessing would be much more meaningful to me compared to those who are there in person.

We continued talking till Amma’s dropped by and we start bashing her up. (Sorry Amma!) Lepak-lepak, kutuk-kutuk, laugh-laugh till I said goodbye. I never expect that would be the last time I see my Mama. Sigh….

U suap me, I suap u....Happy Birthday to us Mama and Mani!

5^th May 2013, while the whole of Malaysia was waiting to cast their vote and decide future of our country, God have already sealed my Mama’s fate. I woke up to answer nature’s call at 6 am, felt something but went back to sleep till I woke up again at 9 am. Phone rings and it was Akka. She gave me the news, “Mama passed away this morning at 5 am…..”

Adoi…my heart sank, asked her if Amma oredi know or not. She said, “Amma’s went to undi redy, if you see her later don’t tell anything. Balik rumah baru deal with it.”

I sat for a while try to get my mind around the news, childhood memories flashed by me. Sigh…Mama…you really gone? You really left us?

After getting ready, I made my way to the polling station, saw Amma, she oredi voted and was waiting for her neighbor to send her back. I wanted to just scream and cry. Tell her, Mama is gone Amma! Mama is gone! I managed to hold back. I lined up to vote and without realizing tears start to flow down my cheek. Some people noticed, don’t know what they must have thought about me. Emo sangat nak undi sampai nangis tuh! ERK…if only they knew.

Wiped my tears, waited in line, voted and walked back. Amma called, she dah balik and Akka told her the news. She cried on the fon. I cried again all the way. Asked me to go to her place but I just couldn’t. I know/don’t know what she would say. Once I reached home, Amma called again. Wanted to go ‘see’ him, managed to calm her down and asked to wait till Akka come back after voting so we can go together. I texted my Boss to inform that I have to take Emergency Leave the next day. Nasib Boss ok je. I baring for a while, his thoughts kept playing in my mind till fon rang again and we were set to ‘see him’.

It’s started to pour heavily as we reached Sungai Way. Since it was poling day. Some roads were blocked by idiots. I don’t know why but this time I witness something I have never seen before. BN idiots on one side while Pakatan morons on the other menjerit, melalak. Bongok ke pe? Since when buat perangai camni lak? Kalau nak sokong pun pegi undi lepas tu balik duduk diam diam la. Apa bising-bising macam species apa tah aku pun tak faham!

We got in front of the house and waited for my Akka to sampai, my niece pushed me to go inside but I just couldn’t go in knowing that the man I grew up and remember laughing is now dead and gone. All there was his lifeless body. I just stood outside, till my Akka came and she went in and I took a deep breath and stepped in. I saw him inside the keranda and abis…dah mula nangis. Dalam hati dah jerit-jerit. “Get up Mama, I’m here redy. Come kacau me. What are you doing? Why you diam je? Sute Mama!!!”

Sigh, he is really GONE. My Mama is GONE. I saw my Athe’ (his wife) but couldn’t bear to say anyting to her. I heard her saying… “Pare’ unode Mama pare’” Sigh… I am looking at him and my heart is aching. I can’t remember the last time my heart felt such sharp pain. I saw my Chiti (Amma’ sister)…she said the same thing…what do you guys want me to do? I could only LOOK AT HIM, just like all of you. Just like you I can’t do anything to bring him back. I sat there quietly on the outside while inside I was screaming and shouting. I remember how quite I was when I saw my Patti in the same situation years ago. After sometime, I went out.

I saw loads of people coming to pay their last respect. The rain started to subside and more people start to come. My Chiti left for a while to vote and then my 2^nd sister joined us. Our cousin brother came and after that, my elder sister had to leave. We stayed a while longer till Amma’s leg started to ache so we left. After getting something to eat, masing-masing balik rumah sendiri. I was anxious, for the result of the General Election. Sibuk borak on watsap. Some result made me happy. Congratulations YB Teresa Kok. Yes, I voted for her and no I’m not a Chinese so enuff with the crap about Chinese Tsunami lah idiot! Her majority! 50k plus! Amek ko!

Just run off topic kejap, orang dah tak tengok kaum ler. Orang tengok if the elected person can do their job. If not for the rakyat, you idiot won’t have a job, faham? No matter what kinda tsunami! If people think you suck then you out! Ok…dah lepas geram.

Anyways, got some annoying results and finally dozed off around 3 am and woke up the next day, pakai ALL BLACK, for my Mama’s funeral and also to support death of democracy few hours ago. My 2^nd sister picked us up, as in Amma, Big Akka and I. Kids didn’t follow. In the car hangat pasal Election results. Nasib la Selangor still under you-know-who administration. Dah tu public holiday there so jalan pun ok je. Can’t imagine if kena kantoi like other states sure the blardy hooligan’s buat perangai haiwan again.

We arrived and saw more people arriving. I saw my other Chiti who is staying in Ipoh, Perak. She can’t walk and had to use wheel chair. Adoi. Getting old sucks man. Especially when you have to watch people who used to be sihat getting older and weaker. Said hi to her, she started crying, mom started crying and I lari keluar balik. I can’t handle all this ‘Indian’ crying. Sun was blazing hot and I had to wear my black glasses, entah apa orang lain pikir. Poyo pakai all black. Sakit mata aku, aku yang tau so lantak korang la. I unfortunately had another visitor in the form of Aunty Flo so I couldn’t ‘put oil’ on my Mama. The ‘Samiyar’ (not sure how to address him) performed the necessary rituals and I stood there looking at my Mama. Sigh….I’ve never seen him like this ever before. He was so full of life. Sick no sick sure with his lame joke. I helped the ‘Samiyar’ with his job, passing things to him, cleaning the things that gets dropped to the ground sambil taking a glimpse at my Mama. More people joined and it was getting stuffy, I sweat like mad that day. Thank God didn’t pass out in the heat.

After done with the rest, the ‘Samiyar’ ask to put ‘Vai Arisi’. I lined up, my sister lost it and I had to hug her, calm her down while I myself was on the brink of falling myself. She placed the rice kissed his forehead one last time and I followed suit. I kissed my Mama one last time on the forehead, I remembered him kissing me when I was younger. I felt warm. My tears can’t be stopped. I can’t stop it. One by one my elder sister, my cousin sister’s, my Amma, my Chiti’s. We started crying. They brought the ‘mudi’ to close his face. The crying got louder. We just hugged each other.

He was inside the van and we walked one round under the burning hot Sun, I paused to snap a picture. Sigh….farewell my Tai Mama. Thank you so much for every single thing. I’m grateful to have known such a man. Caring and loving. You will live in my memory till the I get put into a van. We all will miss your jokes, your laughter, your love.